Monday, 22 November 2010

Teacher training - the RIGHT way!

As Michael Gove outlines his assault on what he sees as the breeding grounds of left-wing liberal thought - university teacher training departments - the higher education sector is clearly worried about this latest attack on their long-standing role in this field.

But what can be done to counter the threat to the historical role that HE has played in teacher training? This blog has found a compromise - a deal, to be reached between the sector and our glorious leaders to ensure that year after year universities churn out thousands of new teachers guaranteed to make Norman Tebbit look like a namby-pamby sandal-wearing lefty. Factories producing true-blue Conservatives, the length and breadth of the country, thus securing the sectors role in this field.

The deal is simple: each teacher training department shall promise to refocus its activities to be more compatible with those deemed most acceptable by Telegraph readers. An example of such a refocused (and renamed) department is below, which universities shall be encouraged to use as a template for their restructuring.


A traditional approach to teaching, underlined by the strong principles of swift and brutal discipline, traditional family values and general tea-drinking, cricket-playing Britishness.


The Cecil Rhodes Postgraduate Certificate in History Education
A one week intensive course covering the whole spectrum of the correct periods of British history, focusing primarily on the unquestionable good that the British Empire bestowed upon the ungrateful masses in the Near East, Rhodesia and other parts of the uncivilised world. This course will be taught primarily in Latin.

The Milton Friedman Diploma in Economic Education
A three day, highly exclusive course (available only to those of the right social standing) that eschews the socialistic ethos of thought so prevalent in mainstream teaching in favour of a rigorous study of the most sensible strands of economic thinking, including Milton Friedman, Friedrich Hayek, Sarah Palin and a misrepresented version of Adam Smith. This course will be taught primarily in Latin.

The Glenn Beck Certificate in Science Education
A one-day programme that focuses exclusively on the indisputable fact that global warming is, without question, definitely not happening, except in the minds of Marxists. Featuring contributions from a range of commentators from all parts of society, with the exception of anyone not working for the Spectator, Daily Mail or Fox News or anyone that has any understanding of basic science. This course will be taught primarily in intelligible ranting.

Littlejohn Studies
In addition to core courses outlined above, all students will be required to undertake Littlejohn Studies, a compulsory module that focuses obsessively on the modern evils of social justice, political correctness, multiculturalism and health and safety legislation. This course will be taught primarily in two-syllable words.

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