Tuesday, 11 May 2010

Bye Bye Big Society

So that's it then.

He (mostly) blew it. Big Society didn't exactly play well on the doorsteps - people aren't on the whole sold on the idea of working 9-5 and then being asked to run their local school / fire station when they get home. In fact, it came 97th on a list of 'things I'd rather do after spending a day in the office', behind watching re-runs of QI on Dave, trying to find the hoover attachment that you lost sometime in 2008 which you haven't seen since and playing the game that they do in Aliens where you try to stab between your fingers with a knife (you know, the one the android does a really good job at?).

Still, Dave tried, and we didn't listen. Now, armed with a majority of minus 20, a gaggle of disgruntled MPs -  and a Tory press about as happy as you would be if you spent over a year bellowing in someone's ear (in this case that of joe public) telling them repeatedly to vote for the blue team, only to have then turn round, shrug their shoulders and yawn - our shiny new PM is ready to have a go anyway - to change Britain for the better!

Which involves, erm. What?

Well, in no particular order, these are the goodies that the country can look forwards to over the next parliament:
  • Tax cuts for the hard-working people that have suffered most over the course of the recession - people whose hard graft, ingenuity and drive need to be recognised in this bright new dawn.... that's right  - it's people set to inherit a seven figure fortune! Hooray for them. They've certainly earned it - and any nurse taking a pay cut to cover the cost of this should stop moaning and accept that this is the correct decision. Logic go back in your box - you are going to be staying there for a couple of years.
  •  An end to red tape. Anyone that experienced the last couple of years KNOWS that it is too much regulation that has damaged this country. In fact, I can't think of a single example of where we haven't over-regulated. And neither can you.
  • Free schools! Lots of 'em. There is no way in a million years that anyone dodgy will try to take advantage of the chance to run them. None at all. In fact, allowing everyone - bar the people trained to do it - to run a school is an efficient use of money in these troubled times - and don't go throwing any facts in my direction or anything to try to prove otherwise. In fact, a black man I met in Plymouth yesterday agreed. And I had this email from a woman from Cleethorpes, who is going to set one up herself! She penned this passionate piece just the other day - she clearly is (along with that woman from Rochdale whose name I have already forgotten) a sterling example of true British values:
"I realy wont to set up a free School. I am fed up of NuLieBore and the EUSSR telling us what too do in this Great Country. We need a return of Christian Values, the cane and no Political Correctness and immigration. I am going to set up a school to teach this and also to help with making sure that Our Children learn proper subjects like Grammer and not islam and homosexuality".

So - a bright new future has arrived. No longer will we have to subject this country to the terrible crimes of the last decade, like paying our public sector workers a reasonable wage or being fair to people! No more shall the silent majority like Richard Littlejohn and Melanie Phillips be silenced by the weight of the liberal establishment! And no longer shall Britain be forced to take a pragmatic and sensible approach to Europe!

[Cue full-length rendition of God Save the Queen and Rule Britannia (punctuated by the sound of James Murdoch kicking the wall outside]

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